


to be loved by you

by AmyDancepantsPeralta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, bonus fluff because it's awesome and should be included everywhere, it's all about the PINING, pining!amy, slight angst with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27321703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyDancepantsPeralta/pseuds/AmyDancepantsPeralta
Summary: "And all the while, Amy’s mind had kept contemplating if she would ever get to know what it would be like to date someone like Jake: to have somebody who would take all the black and whites of her life and show her the beautiful greys in-between."(Based off a prompt request, inspired by the lyrics 'I wonder what it's like to be loved by you' - hello Mr Mendes!)
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 26
Kudos: 88





	to be loved by you

**Author's Note:**

> For @startofamoment 😁☺️

**to be loved by you**

It’s a secret to absolutely no-one that Amy Santiago is the kind of woman that likes to excel in any skillset.Unapologetic in her badass-ery, she can (and _has_ ) chase a perp through the boroughs of Brooklyn in boots that have a higher heel than three of her male colleagues put together.Her finely tuned memory - the same one that has led Trivia Newton John to seven straight victories - helped solve a series of long-dead case files, and her problem solving skills are the reason that one of the city’s biggest kingpins is currently behind bars.

With this in mind, one could consider it safe to say that Amy regretting her natural ability to ace any situation would be up there with hell freezing over, or for a flock of pigs to soar across the sky.

But tonight, here in Shaw’s bar as she watches Jake have what seems to be a _lovely_ date with Sophia; Amy just might be, if only maybe a little, slightly regretting her highly graded observation skills (yes, the same ones that pushed her into the highest percentile when graduating from the academy - which she _very rarely_ brags about, and she really should - it was mentioned in the commissioners speech and everything). 

To be fair, it wasn’t _all_ bad.She could, for example; hear the jukebox in the corner, playing _Come on Eileen_ for the fifth time in a row - unknowingly settling into a duet with squelching sneakers as a bunch of drunken frat guys danced, all of them too far gone to notice any repetition.Plus, she could pick up on the subtle _click_ of the acrylic nails on the woman at a neighbouring table, listening to them tap against a series of her friends’ photographs, rotating between descriptions of _priddy_ and _gawgeous._

Mixed with the scent of spilled beer and day-old peanuts, it was exactly the combination that to others may appear seedy, but to Amy and the squad, just seemed … familiar.Shaw’s was their watering hole, the basement bar each could disappear into and drink to forget their days, and despite the five empty glasses on her table and the half-full one in her hand, Amy was finding it incredibly difficult to stop noticing just how sweet Jake was with his girlfriend. 

Even _more_ impossible was to stop imagining what it would be like if _she_ were the one standing near the dart board, with Jake’s arm resting comfortably over her shoulders.

It had all started earlier today, when she had glanced over at her partner just in time to pick up on the tiny little smile that grew on his face when he noticed a text from Sophia.

(Okay, it’s possible that it had actually started back at The Maple Drip Inn, with that look he’d given her after _maybe, yes, a little._ It had definitely led to a series of Thoughts after Teddy’s departure, of which she’d only given herself just that night to think about.)

(Except ‘that night’ then turned into that week, and _okay_ _fine_ then it had turned into ‘just that month'; and now here she is, several weeks later; completely unable of getting Jake Peralta off of her mind, and it’s becoming very likely that this is more than just a little crush.)

It had been so endearing to see, that tiny glimpse of joy and enchantment as he’d read Sophia’s message - just fleeting enough for Amy to wonder if anybody had ever reacted to a message from _her_ with such glee.(Teddy, she remembers, preferred not to text; and would instead express his affections by saving her the last bottle of his favourite pilsner, or brewing a new concoction ‘inspired by her’ … sweet, but somehow didn’t hold the same sentiment.)

So she’d kept her eyes glued to the computer screen in front of her as she listened to Jake pick up the phone and order a bunch of flowers to be delivered to Sophia’s office - using his _debit_ card, and not a combination of the five questionably balanced credit cards under his name - which in itself is huge.Pretended not to notice the multiple kiss emojis in his reply, or the soft tune that he hummed for a few minutes after, focusing intensely on the case file in front of her as she described a recent interrogation in finite detail.Kept up the facade of _all that stuff with us is in the past_ as he recounted a romantic weekend to their squad in the break room - laughing along in all the right places, doing her very best to keep the wistfulness out of her eyes. 

And all the while, Amy’s mind had kept contemplating if she would ever get to know what it would be like to date someone like Jake: to have somebody who would take all the black and whites of her life and show her the beautiful greys in-between.

So when he’d shown up at Shaw’s this evening, with Sophia’s hand carefully wrapped around his own and a grin that announced his contentment to anyone who cared to look; Amy had felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest.Her painted smile had _just_ lasted until the couple retreated to the corner for a _crazily_ competitive game of darts, and Amy had decided tonight would be a great opportunity to drown her sorrows in a few glasses of whiskey, doing her absolute best _not_ to notice all the little things she will never have.

Like the way Jake would punctuate each congratulatory high five with a kiss, even when it meant that his girlfriend had beaten him at a game.The gentle way he steered them away from a rambunctious crowd, keeping an eye on the raised voices as his unaware girlfriend played her shot and came so close to hitting the bullseye.Or the way Sophia’s hand would rest on Jake’s chest as he held her in his arms (just the way that Amy wishes she could do), and the way she would laugh _so happily_ as he commented on the drunk guys dancing near them. 

It was all very simple, but undeniably sweet, and Amy doesn’t know how she ever doubted that Jake would be anything but.

“Your covert skills need work, Santiago.”

The chair beside Amy scrapes angrily against the worn floorboards and she turns, startled by the interruption, quietly praying that her face isn’t quite as red as it suddenly feels.Terry, far more interested in taking the last sip of his scotch than commenting on her appearance, settles in to his new location next to her, and his glass hits the soaking cardboard coaster with a _slap_. 

“Wha-huh?Covert skills?You really must be drunk, Sarge.We’re not even on a stakeout right now.Unless you’re talking about us staking out the contents of that fridge behind the bar haha!” 

(She’s rambling - she knows she’s rambling; but cannot stop the desperate need to pretend that she _hadn’t_ just been completely busted for spending her entire evening staring at a life she may never know.) 

“Ugh.Okay fine.”Her mouth stretches out into a cringe, eyes flickering to the colleagues Terry had just walked away from.“How noticeable are we talking here?”

“Noticeable enough that Charles has spent the last 40 minutes lamenting on ‘the beautiful tragedy of unrequited love’”.Dropping his air quotes, Terry rolls his eyes, one eyebrow lowering as he returns to his drink.“He lost me when he started quoting poetry.Terry loves Shakespeare, but he could do with a little less soliloquies - and a little more _spirits_ \- tonight.”

“Oh!You know what, there was just a Shakespeare play in Polonsky that starred - ” Terry overlaps her last words with his own heavy voice, and Amy’s stops in it’s tracks. 

“Dianne Wiest.Terry knows.That was his segue, Amy.”

She nods, sensing the need to dig _up_.“Should have known.Charles loves his Wiest feasts.”Terry grunts his assent, pressing his lips together as he savours another verse-less sip, and Amy seizes the opportunity to cast another furtive glance at the happy couple. 

“Seriously, though.Just because Peralta hasn’t noticed, doesn’t mean the rest of us haven’t.”

Amy brushes her hair to the side, swirling the liquid in her glass with her free hand.“Okay, so maybe I haven’t been very subtle tonight, or whatever.”Her gaze returns to Jake, drawn to him like a magnet, and her heart squeezes once more. 

To his credit, Terry gives her a moment; waiting for a silence to settle over their table before leaning forward in his chair, ignoring the sticky residue of the tabletop as he rests his arms on either side of his glass.

“Out with it, Santiago.”

She shakes her head, swallowing hard to push down the burgeoning lump in her throat.“They look really happy together, don’t they?He looks … _happy_.”

Terry shrugs, glancing in the direction of Amy’s eye line.“Yeah, I guess so.”

“He does!All shiny and cheerful and just .. happy.”

“I don’t know.Terry remembers a time when you and Teddy looked just as content.”His look is pointed, and followed by the unsubtle raise of his eyebrows.Amy nods, draining the last of her drink.Somehow, she has a feeling that Sophia’s underwear isn’t lined with mesh like Teddy’s had been (and even if it _was_ , it would be some kind of inexplicably sexy mesh, for sure).

“Sometimes things aren’t what they seem, sarge.”

“You know that works both ways, don’t you?”

Nodding again, Amy wipes her thumb along the smudged lipstick print on her glass, choosing to remain silent.Terry didn’t get it - none of them got it, really.She’d had her chance, the very first time the words _romantic styles_ were uttered, and she’d let it slip away.And now, she has to live with the consequences. 

Clearing his throat, Terry continues.“I mean … she _is_ a defence attorney, you know.”

“But see, even that isn’t something that I can fault.Not fairly, anyway.”Clocking the look of disbelief on Terry’s face, Amy shrugs defensively, waving her hand vaguely in Sophia’s direction.“I know we all like to joke and call them evil, but really … all they’re doing is making us prove that our findings are beyond reasonable doubt.If anything, it’s people like her that push us to do better - to work harder to make sure that we’re definitely charging the right person.And as annoying as that can be, it’s definitely not a reason to hate her.”

“Kinda sounds like you do, though.”

She shakes her head, feeling the sense of defeat sink into her bones.“I really don’t.She’s incredibly smart, and funny and beautiful … she honestly looks like she should be in a commercial for shampoo or something.She’s perfect for Jake, and I’m just …”

“You’re just … ?”

Shrugging, Amy slots her thumbnail into the edge of the coaster underneath her glass.It, like her heart, had seen better days, and it was time for her to cut her losses.“I’m just … going home.”

“What?No.Stay!Our squad kicked butt this week, Amy.We all deserve a drink.”

Painting another smile onto her face (she really is getting good at them), Amy pushes her seat away from the table, allowing herself one more glimpse at Jake’s smile before shaking her head at Terry.“Sorry sarge, I just can’t seem to celebrate tonight.”

Heading towards the exit without a second thought, Amy doesn’t see Jake pull away from Sophia, taking a half step in the direction of the door as he watches her leave.She doesn’t notice him pull out his phone, start to type a message before hesitating, pocketing it without hitting send.The night moves on as Amy walks away, and the streets are deafeningly silent as soon as the bar door closes behind her. 

The sky seems to feel just as morose as Amy this evening, tiny droplets dropping onto her grey work blazer as she waits for a cab; too lost in her thoughts to take in the frivolity of a parting crowd.As the rain increases and the splotches on her blazer turn into tiny Rorschach Tests she decides to give herself one more night - _one last night_ of wishing for things that will never be.

In the backseat on her ride home Amy twists her hands together, linking her fingers and imagining not for the first time that one hand was Jake’s (she would imagine similar .. _later_ ).She thinks of what it could be like to have his warm presence near hers .. to have his hand resting on her leg, not out of possession but _just to be near_.Watching him get out of the car first, only to turn and offer a helping hand for her exit, every time without fail. 

She pictures what it would be like to feel the brick exterior of her apartment against her back as Jake presses his soft lips against hers, kissing the life out of her, making her see stars before pulling her into the apartment for _so much more_.

He wouldn’t always be the perfect partner - and lord knows, neither would she - but Amy knows that through it all he would remain her best friend, because even through all of this yo-yo pattern of denial and admittance, thats who Jake has been for her.After all these years, he’s become the only one she wants to talk to, at any given moment of the day, who knows her coffee order better than his own and remembers her Abuela’s birthday, even when she hasn’t mentioned it in weeks. 

The scent of rain lingers in her apartment as Amy readies herself for bed, casting her pantsuit aside with drunken abandonment and giving her face a half-hearted wash before stumbling towards her bed.She closes her eyes, the thoughts of what could have been still _so loud_ in her quiet apartment, hugging the pillow beside her tightly while her mind begins to wander. 

As she finally drifts off to sleep that night, Amy tries not to remember the smile that Jake gave her as they danced so long ago at the community hall - that special kind of smile, that made her think that maybe it was solely for her - and tells herself _once. and. for. all._ that sometimes, life just doesn’t work out the way you’d hope.

* * *

It’s a rush of cool air that alerts Amy to a brand new morning, the drop in temperature squashed as quickly as it arrives by the wrapping of a warm arm around her middle.She smiles into the pillow as it completes its protective loop, letting her body get pulled closer to the human hot water bottle in the middle of her bed, and if there was a better way to wake up on a cold day, Amy is yet to see it. 

She lets out a sigh of comfort as the bridge of a prominent nose digs into her shoulder blade, feeling the warmth of his breath through her old academy shirt, nestling closer until her legs are well and truly tangled amongst his.It’s late, later than she would normally allow herself to sleep, but the two of them were far too invested in basking in the afterglow of a rainy Saturday filled with sex and movies to consider leaving the bedroom anytime soon. 

Jake’s voice is rough, the remnants of a deep sleep obvious in his throat.“Today’s Sunday, right?”

Amy nods, wriggling herself just free enough to turn within her boyfriend’s embrace.His hair is sticking out on all ends - unaided, she is certain, by her hands the night before - and she runs the tip of her thumb along his right cheekbone.Though his eyes are still closed, he leans into her touch, and she grins.“Definitely Sunday.A rainy Sunday, but part of the weekend all the same.”

He nods, the short and prickly fibres of his morning stubble scratching her palm.“Good.More time for time machine building.”

“… we’re building a time machine?”

“Yeah, one that lets us skip past all the boring work stuff, and leaves us with all the time in the world for more of this.Kinda like that movie Click, but a lot less ‘trying to change the past’ stuff, and a _lot_ more sex.”

She chuckles, and his left foot rubs along the side of her calf under the blanket.“You’re crazy, Peralta.”(Although, she will admit - the ‘a lot more sex’ part did sound kinda great.)

His eyelids flutter open, gaze growing soft as a smile stretches across his face.“You’re beautiful, Santiago.”

Amy feels her cheeks begin to heat up, resisting the urge to cool herself down by tucking her hair away, completely unable to move as long as Jake continues to look at her like that.There’s a pimple growing underneath the surface of her chin that is going to rival Mount Vesuvius, and her morning breath could probably wilt the flower pots living happily on her kitchen’s windowsill.But here, in bed with her boyfriend of almost two years, she feels more beautiful than all of her best days put together. 

“I don’t think I’ve told you this today, but I love you, Jake.”

Leaning forwards, Jake’s soft lips press against Amy’s, and he winks as he pulls away.“I mean, we’ve both been awake for a sum total of three minutes, so yeah, you’re pretty late with the love you’s today, babe.”

Her free hand flies out from under the cover, delivering an indignant smack to Jake’s chest, and he grabs it back before she can pull away, linking their fingers together and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.“I love you too, Ames.Even if you don’t want to build a time machine with me, I still love you.”

She laughs - a giggle that starts in her belly and bursts through her lungs, something that she’s been doing a lot more of these days - and pulls Jake in for a longer kiss, morning breath be damned. 

One day, in eight or so years time, they’ll have a son - a miniature version of Jake that, much like his father, runs to the beat of his own drum; and answers to the name Mac.Amy will fall pregnant again, and when they explain to their son that he’s going to be a big brother, his response is so perfectly him that it makes Amy’s eyes tear up with laughter. 

For they are, by Mac’s decree, now a Ninja Turtle family.He is Raphael (or _‘Rafel’_ ), Jake Michelangelo due to his love of nunchaku, and Amy nabs Leonardo purely out of homage to one of her favourite artists.The mini-Peralta still growing in her womb is, by default, Donatello (or Donatell _a_ , depending), and even though there was a time when Amy truly felt like she could never be this lucky, she will love their little family with all of her heart. 

But for now, she has Jake; and together they have warm bedsheets and no plans for a future that isn’t together - no matter what obstacles may be thrown their way. 

And Amy realises, as Jake begins to trace a series of kisses along her side of her neck; truly, being loved by him is better than she could have ever imagined. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know about you, but I love a bit of Pining!Amy 🥺✨ 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this - thank you so much for reading! Comments/kudos are always welcome ♥️


End file.
